Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Dream a little dream.

Wanna have a fantastically action packed dream? Try watching the movie 'Law Abiding Citizen' immediately before bed and I'd be willing to bet you'll be tossing and turning, but not for lack of sleep. Although- there is a possibility though that you could be like me, and wake yourself up mid hurl.

I'm not normally an out of body type of dreamer. I can't control my dreams, and I'm almost never able to get back into a dream, despite all my efforts to do so, once I've been woken. Sometimes I do slowly come out of a dream and that allows me the cognitive awareness of reality vs. dream. It puts me right on the edge of coming out of a dream but still being in it and yet knowing that I am in fact dreaming.

For instance, once while inside of a dream I was accidentally given a note from my boyfriend that wasn meant for some other girl. In my dream, more urgent events prevented me from taking a moment to read what the note said. I had placed it on my dresser until I could be alone and really absorb what it said. But I started to come out of my dream before I got the chance to do that. Wanting so badly to see what he wrote to her, I desperately tried to go back to sleep. But I was too stuck in that half awake half asleep mode. So I still envisioned the note on the dresser, but yet knew if I got up to read it, I'd be awake and it would go away. It was crazy maddening.

*Side Note: I ACTUALLY DID mistakenly receive this kind of letter in the mail from my long distance boyfriend. I just couldn't tell you if I got the real letter first and then dreamed about it, or if it was some type of premonition if you will. Even though it's been almost 30 years, you would still think that it would have been such a huge correlating thing that I would remember the order of events. Which is why really, I feel kind of sure that the real letter came after. As though I forgot about the dream eventually and when it happened for real the dream was long forgotten. If the real letter came first, wouldn't I think I knew what the note said? Maybe? Maybe not. What I'd give to have it straight! And that's not the only premonition type dream that I had as a young teenager, so I have to admit it's certainly possible, right?

Anyhoo.

Last night's dream shared the same end of dream lucidity as that one. At the end of the dream, which was full of;  life threatening obstacles, trials,  physical challenges, mind puzzles, gadgets and conspiracy, I had finally succeeded and risen above, and made it home- albeit in barely alive condition. When I finally came to a family member and would be savior, I spit blood just like you see in the movies when people have been through hell and are bleeding internally. But it was a lot of blood. Actually more like spewed blood. Chunky blood. With small white clots of something. But not projectile... not like I was throwing up. Not yet.

It wasn't until my minds eye witnessed this scene pass before it and only after many moments of registering what it had just seen... it reacted the same way one would react if they seen this in real life before them. You might wanna hurl, right? Seems quite reasonable! And that is exactly what my minds reaction was.

What woke me up at 4 am this morning was not the exciting and altogether disgusting dream I'd just had. It was the lurch of my body, as I lay on my back sleeping, trying to heave a cookie toss. There was actually crap in my throat. And I lay there for a panicked 2 minutes holding as still as I could, saying to myself... 'omg, I won't be able to go into work today, oh no! Not if I'm sick. Not if I'm throwing up. If I don't move and don't throw up maybe I will get over it, I can make it pass.'

Tossing cookies all night is the ONLY thing ever in over 20 years that has kept me home from work. So, it's a big fear of mine. I'm a tough cookie, but the thought of spewing in front of coworkers and customers- or any public place, or in front of ANYONE for that matter will make me hide myself away JUST IN CASE if I think I might.

And there in my stillness, trying to be ever so calm, reality slowly came to me; that I had simply had a mental and physical reaction to a visual from my dream. I wasn't sick and I just needed to not lay so flat and maybe clear my throat.

It was all good. No bedside buckets necessary. Another day worked, another few dollars earned.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

BEST. COMEBACK. EVER.

A coworker was recently telling me about a miscommunication she had with another coworker. She felt terrible for the wrong impression that was taken away from an innocent comment not meant to be offensive at all.

I felt bad for her and the other person and that they were in the situation at all. But I had to laugh and get her to admit that the other coworker had a damn good comeback.

In the future some time if someone tries to be insulting, try this out:

'Hey, next time you want to be condescending...? Try harder. I was only half insulted.'

Damn, that's a good one.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Dodging Kisses

Another random memory brought on by music....

I'm sitting here listening to music on Spotify and I decide to look up, 'Barry Manilow'. Now, before I go any farther, yes I admit it. I like Barry Manilow. Sometimes I just ooze mush and really want to hear Weekend In New England. Sue me.

Anyhoo... I came across the title of a song that I recognized from, and hadn't heard since- my childhood. Sixth grade to be exact. The song: Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree (with anyone else but me)

My best friend and I had attended a school dance. We had our eye on this bushy blonde haired kid in torn jeans and a leather jacket. We decided that we both liked this rebel rouser and that it would be perfectly ok with us if we dated him together, so we asked him out and we let him know we were a package deal. I can't recall who did the actual asking, but it's the only time in my life that I made that kind of  'first move' on a boy. (I'm pretty sure she did it).

He agreed to date us both. (as if any red blooded 6th grade boy would say 'no'?) We took turns dancing with him and by the end of the night she decided she was done with that: I could have him.

From there it seemed to really blossom for Eric and I. The next school day he met me out front of the school and handed me a glossy gift box with delicate pink flowers printed all over it. The box contained a pure white lace doily. And inside the doily - wait for it.... a pet rock.  I don't know if it was supposed to be a pet rock, but it was a rock. I suppose it could have been somewhat in the shape of heart. Sort of.

Maybe.

On the inset of the lid, there was what was supposed to resemble sheet music. The song lyrics on it were of 'Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree'.

I remember explicitly thinking, 'Mmkaaay'. It was totally weird to me. Touching and sweet as anything. But you have to understand the juxtaposition of such contrasting ideas. Here I was- head over heels with this kid and his rock and roll bad boy image reminiscent of Billy Idol crossed with Rod Stewart and he brings me a lace doily and a rock all wrapped up in a drug store gift box emblazoned with an old timey love song. It was down right disappointing and endearing all at the same time.

We spent all our spare time together for the next couple weeks riding our bmx bikes to and from each others' house and hanging out with his friends- with him trying to make a move on me each day. His problem though, was that I'd never kissed anyone before. In fact, shortly before that dance, I had just been dumped by only the second boyfriend I had ever had BECAUSE I wouldn't make out with him.

Now, ladies... tell me if you can relate: When a guy wants to kiss you, and if you are shy at all- what should he do? ASK you to kiss him? ASK you if it's ok if he kisses you? And if he is lucky enough that you say yes, should he close his eyes, pucker up and wait for it? 

I think not. Ya gotta take my kisses or you weren't getting them.
I remember one day Eric and I were playing on the playground in a wooden playhouse. He blocked the doorway and told me he wasn't letting me out until I kissed him. ME... kiss HIM. And I see that he really wasn't going to let me out. Combined with the feeling of HAVING to in order to be let out, and feeling like I'd put him off too many times already anyway, I told him I would. But I had conditions. (There were always conditions) He had to sit down, and close his eyes. He did so and sat there waiting. I do think I really intended to try. But I couldn't do it. So while he was off guard, sitting there with his eyes unaware, I got up and ran. Neener Neener can't catch me! (Phew! That was close)

Case in point: We hung out a lot with his best friend Josh who had a sister close to my age, and lived only a block away. Often times Eric would leave me at Josh's house when he had to hurry home, and then it would be dark out and Josh would walk me to my place.

You see where this is going don't you?

One night in particular Josh and I were having a great conversation on the way to my house and when we got there we weren't ready to end it. So we leaned against the house by the side yard and talked and talked and talked. Next thing I knew, not only was he facing me, but leaning into me and his tongue was leaning into my mouth! I'd never even kissed on the lips before, let alone this!

He didn't ask. At least not until after about 5 minutes of this wonderful thing did he stop to look at me and ask if I was mad at him for it. I answered with another half hour of the same and hoped it let him know I certainly wasn't. It was the sweetest experience compared to all the repetitive, cold demanding expectations of, 'Are you going to kiss me today?" queries.

Maybe it was the offers to walk me home, and Josh's tender gentlemanly ways in every other sense, that made it perfectly ok for him to not ask. I trusted him. I knew he was kind.

Eric wasn't happy, but it seemed only right that we tell him and let him know I was going to be Josh's girlfriend now, lol. But as always, expectations ruined everything.

As I mentioned, Josh's sister and I had become friends. I liked spending time with her as well as Josh. To me it was a 2in1 deal, but they wouldn't share.  How does a 10 year old girl juggle the logistics of when to be a friend and when to be a girlfriend? Josh became resentful of the time and attention I was giving his little sister and thus him and I fizzled out. Eventually her and I did as well because we always seemed to get into little tiffs.  

Overall it's a sweet and sour memory to me. I don't recall being very broken up about it all. But I remember being aware of the distance that came between him and his once best friend Eric.

Thank you Eric: with out you I probably never would have gotten over my crush on Rod Stewart.
And thank you Josh: If not for your slick moves,  I might still be dodging kisses.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Most Boring Day

Siigghhhh.....
I feel like posting something on this the most boring day. I'm not sure what about... but I am sure what I don't want to post about.... the New Year. I've had it up to my eyeballs, literally, with, 'Happy New Year' and 'What are your New Year resolutions?" and "How are you starting off the New Year'.... etc etc etc etc etc etc! Enough already.

I refuse to post about New Years.

I wonder if the reason people started the tradition of partying so hard on New Years Eve is so that they would sleep all day on January 1st. ? Any good reason to sleep through the most boring day of the year seems appealing. If only I could have. But the problem with that is that it really isn't just an issue for this one day. It really does drag out all month. Not only is it the big let down after the big hype of Thanksgiving and Christmas, but the weather is blah! Just cold and blah. The days are actually starting to get longer if you can believe it. Dec 21st was the shortest day of the year and every day after will just get longer and longer until they start to get short again after the first day of summer. So January REALLY drags out. I remember as a kid... before computers, cell phones and affordable cable... I would sometimes think I would go out of my mind from boredom. I would find myself watching reruns of Happy Days, M.A.S.H.... and absolutely cheesy variety shows. And I really hated M.A.S.H if that tells ya anything of how completely and utterly bored I would get. I would get so bored I would just go to bed before my bedtime.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I was so unimaginative and lazy that I just bored myself. Sometimes I would bundle up and go for a bike ride in the cold gray weather. Sometimes I would have a sports event or practice. Sometimes I would walk to the indoor community pool. Sometimes I would play records (yes actual vinyl records - showing my age here) and rearrange the Teen Beat posters of Quiet Riot, Cinderella, Duran Duran, and Def Leopard on my walls.

But no matter what I did... it always ended at some point and that gnawing stir crazy feeling would kick in immediately. That's how I feel every day for most of the winter, once the holidays are over. Things don't start looking up until Spring begins to tease me with it's peekaboos and previews.

See? I said I refused to write about the New Year and yet I was so bored, I wrote about the New Year.

Oy vey.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What have you done for me lately?

I'm not going to sit here and try to talk myself up... but let's just say it's important to me to be helpful. Some call it being a kiss ass. But I just like to make peoples' lives easier when I can. No big.

But in order to get my point across about something said to me today, I'll need to give a little bit of back story.

When it gets really busy my manager is pretty good about jumping in and helping. But sometimes it calls for her to make sandwiches. And I know she hates this part - since she does it so rarely it's hard to remember the recipes and you tend to be really slow at it when you don't know it off the top of your head... then you get all flustered as it just gets busier and the line gets longer. So if I've had to step away from the sandwich counter to help at the meat counter for instance, of course I'm going to try to get back to my station as soon as possible. When I do I always offer to take over for her, no matter what stage of the sandwich she is in. And ESPECIALLY when the order is for a certain kind of sandwich that is a p.i.a to make.

She often walks around mumbling about all the work she has to do. Sometimes being very specific about a particular task. I aim to be a problem solver. So I often ask if this or that kind of assistance would be helpful. If she needs to go back to the warehouse for something and I'm not in the middle of something, I'll offer to go. If I need something off the frozen load she just brought up and parked in the freezer unloaded, I might go in there and unload it- since I'm in there removing a box or two anyways.

Etc. Etc. Etc. I'm always right there to help. I do way more than my position describes. I stay as long as she will let me in order to get something done if I am in the middle of it. I'm not the type to stand idle for the last 15 minutes of my shift because I don't have enough time to finish a task I might be able to start. And I don't take one of my 10 minute breaks 15 minutes before my shift ends either. (Yes, I work with people like that!) And I'm ALMOST always available on a day off if she needs me to come in.

Today was a hellish day. We were over in hours so the two ladies we had, besides myself, working the am shift to pump out some catering trays that were piling up were sent home early. Then at about noon my boss noticed that two of those trays were due TODAY and the ladies had not seen them so there were not done at all. She was saying she was going to have to do them herself when she got back from lunch. So I offered to slice the 12 lbs of meat for her while she was at lunch. I had gotten most of it done for her but not all. So in order to make it easy I offered her my back stock of meats that I make subs out of, since it was the same kind, thus her having to cut even less yet. Then she needed cheese. I don't normally slice my own cheese, that's the job of another one of the am ladies. But I had needed it and didn't want to wait for one of them to do it, so I had sliced it myself the day before. I offered this to my boss as well since it was the same kind the trays called for. No big. I'm happy to give it up if she needs it. When she finished taking the amounts of each item that she needed she was saying, 'Here's your meat back'.... 'Here's your cheese back'.  So hopefully you can now imagine my amazement and confusion when she then said to me, 'I'm so good to you!'

And I really don't think it was tongue in cheek because she was 'giving me back' MY meats and cheeses. Maybe. I mean, anything's possible. But sarcasm has never really been her humor style. So it really gave me pause. And I really really really wanted to say, 'YOU are good to ME???' But I figured it wasn't worth it. Let it roll. Whatever she meant is par for the course with her. She's the type to tell you that ,'I've made bonuses twice off of you guys.' Yes, with those exact words. '...off of you guys." And then also be the type to not give us little incentives, buy little Christmas gifts, maybe have a yearly party... etc.

Oh well... C'est la vie.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Red's Inspirations: Just say no to bird poop

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head. But you can prevent them from making nests in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

My take: I love this quote!  But I think it would be better if it said it like it is though... maybe something more like 'Bird poop happens but hats are generally impenetrable.'

Our attitudes should be just that...'impenetrable'. Or to break it down even more.... 'I'm made of rubber, you're made of glue...' You know the rest.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

One man's 'Boring' is another man's bliss

Make new friends, but keep the old. Some are silver and some are gold.

I'm sitting here thinking... thinking... thinking. I've thumbed through all my notebooks that I can find thinking perhaps I will post an old poem. Nope- nothing I feel like sharing.

Think think think.... listen to music... sing along... think think think. Change music. Think some more. Sing along.

I've got it! I just need to turn the music off. Then I will be able to concentrate.

But wait... I love this song. I'll wait til this song is over.
 
Listen to music. Stare at blank screen. Next song comes on. Stare at blank screen some more. Start to think harder about what to write...sing along to music.

An mp3 player set to 'Random' is worse than reality tv... what's coming up next??? Don't turn it off before you see what's next... wouldn't want to miss anything good right? But it's all good.

Then my husband says to me... "What music is that? Is that playing on AOL?'

I say, 'No, it's my Playlist.'

He says, 'Go to BBC Imusic (or something along those lines) They have 80's, World... you name it. All kinds of stuff. You will find something new.'

I say, "But dear... I don't want anything 'new'. I like what's on my play list. That is why it is on my playlist.'

He says, 'Don't you like to listen to new stuff?'

"No."

'No?'

'No."

"You don't like to just listen to learn about new music you might like?'

I say, 'I'm not adverse to new music, but when I like something... I kind of want to hear it. I search out an artist or a song that I like and read all the lyrics on the albums, listen to clips, etc. I have plenty 'new' exposure. I watch videos. I exchange CD's with friends... but I like what I like and don't see the need to waste very much of my time LOOKING for what I MIGHT like. Simple.'

Seems pretty logical to me. But apparently I'm a bit simplistic for his sophisticated music repertoire.

Am I wrong for only wanting to spend my music listening time on the good stuff? If I had all the time in the world, sure I could easily waste a few hours following links on Youtube or browsing for new stuff, but I prefer to use my time on what I know I'll enjoy. How do you feel about the exploration of music vs. the old faithful, memorable and sentimental favorites?

It's all part of the reason why he hates taking me to Subway. I order a tuna sandwich every time. And I savor how wonderful it is, every time. We go to a restaurant- I order a Patty Melt.  He says I'm boring, but at least I always enjoy my dinner. The same can't always be said for him. We order Pizza- he gets all kinds of toppings trying to build up on the flavors and get the most out of it.  I order a very basic type-  no Sausage, no Salami, no Pineapple, no Tomato, no Green Pepper. You know... just ground beef, maybe pepperoni,  onion, olive, mushroom, maybe Jalapeño. There are just certain flavors that are work well together... it doesn't mean you can't like all that other stuff, but you ruin it by over doing it. My pizza toppings choices are pretty much the same every time, and it seems to be EVERYONE elses' favorite everytime too and seems to disappear first. Where as, he is the only one who eats his- and he always partakes of mine as well and enjoys it very much. I always enjoy mine.  Now I ask you... who is smarter?

  Which makes most sense? New and unusual- but also unproven; or -  faithful standby that always gives enjoyment?