Is it just me? The first of many social questions.

I consider myself a very accomodating person... a very calm collected person... a very reasonable and empathetic person.

Why does it bother me so much that my new neighbors take shortcuts on my property???!!!

We have a what we call a 'circle through' driveway, two entrances with a long driveway attatched that runs along side and between our house... and the neighbors. But 90% is ours. Local property laws however, insist on a 6 ft leeway between properties ... or something to the effect. No permament barrier is allowed here for our building and local codes. We wouldn't want to build a fence anyhow because we really are nice people and this would completely take away any semblance of a driveway for them, and it would just be in OUR way as well, should we need to drive up to the garage out back.

BUT...their tween and teen age kids would rather walk 5 ft from my front steps, past three windows and right up against and sometimes in between two vehicles of ours, rather than continue on up the sidewalk 30 more feet. But it's still just as far if they cut across my front driveway. Ok, maybe it's more like 28 feet with their 'short cut'. Even the adults do it. It's bad enough they have car washing parties in the driveway between our house and sit their not-so-skinny-butts on my heat pump unit while they hang out right outside my kitchen window... on my property. Up against my house. ON my air conditioner. But now, they are having people DRIVE THROUGH my driveway to pick up and drop off said tweens and teens.

Is it just me?

I was raised by parents who demanded respect. They didn't always deserve it, but it was expected, and they got it. And that went for all adults as well. I don't even recall ever being told exactly to, 'Respect your elders.' or 'Respect other people's property/space.' It just seems like something you should KNOW. It's a given. It's so stinkin' simplistic. When I walk somewhere with my sister and her brood, I am adamant about making sure they stay off people's lawns. It's just the polite way to be. Right? I say, 'Who lives here? Do you live here? No? Oooh, then we better keep our feet where it's ok to walk.' It seems I've been a good influence as I've since heard her take on the concept herself and actually care to enforce it on her own. Go figure.

But why have we lost the respect for space at all these days? I don't know if it is an extension of the 'personal bubble' of space that a lot of people are most comfortable with, or if it is really that deeply grounded in straight up r-e-s-p-e-c-t. I think I definitely have issues with both! Because this just reeeeallly bugs me! But I'm not petty. I will not be petty! I will not SAY anything to them about it... no matter how much I want to. I'll rack my brain and try to find ways to personalize my property. I will post one of those 'my-son-made-this-in-shop-class-and-we-want-to-make-him-feel-proud-so-we-will-display-this-The Fockers-sign-forever-' wooden slabs with burnt on writing. I will put mini gates on each side of the driveway. I will extend a planting island beyond the corner of my house and out into the driveway for space definition... because it's MY driveway and I can. I will also trim the pine tree that overhangs the sidewalk- as I tell myself this is the only reason they shortcut. I will shroud the front edge of my property with tall plantings so that when you enter onto my property you are entering INTO my property. I will open my curtains more often and make my presence known. Heck.. I may even paint my mail box all funky and weird.

That's it! I'll become the weirdo next door they want to avoid!

Wait... I am already the weirdo next door who avoids them.

So I'm not as social as they are. So what if I hardly come outside and don't have visitors very often. I LIKE it that way. That's right... not too many visitors. Don't ask me why I have a circle through driveway... it came with the house.

But you don't have one. So stop using mine and get over it!

Is it just me?

Thank you Worddemon...

Since it had been a while that I started this blog, and have not been very active as of late... I decided to see what would happen if I Googled my site...

Lo and behold! A perfect stranger did a review of Inmyredhead and commented about it on her site. She called it 'Mindcandy'. :-D ... and I'm on a sugar rush! What a compliment. Maybe I'm too easily complimented... but hey- 'Mindcandy' is waaaaaaay above 'Mindrot'.

Thank you again, Mrs. Worddemon @ worddemon.stumbleupon.com
:-D

Thanks for not caring...Red's blogging irony

I was recently asked by a co-worker if I had a 'My Space' page. I informed her that no I did not... to which she replied, 'You should get a My Space Page.'

Is this true?

I'm kind of lost on the whole concept, but I think maybe it's my age/generation. I dunno. Also, it seems kind of impersonal to hand out a website address to a new acquaintance. I've always figured that a new friend would come around often enough to see your photo albums under the coffee table. Or join you at family get togethers where they hear all the really great stories. Or stay up late on many occasion and listen to you talk about yourself. Passing out a website address is kind of like skipping all that important bonding.

The only other purpose it would seem to serve is to help people judge you. Not that my new work acquaintance had that intention in mind... She is one of the few who are genuinely interested in the 'person' behind the uniform... but putting it all out there for the sole purpose of people to know about you, is really setting yourself up for critique and criticism by those who would in fact stoop to such behaviors as looking up someone's My Space page for the sole purpose of a snicker fest.

Here in lies the great irony of this very blog that I am typing on right now. I have a friend whose opinions and perceptions mean the world to me, whom I respect highly. This person does not understand my need to write about my miserable childhood and what ever else I chose to share about randomly. The idea of total strangers knowing such intimate details of my life, is not one they fully understand. If at all.

On the surface, the concept of not letting strangers know about your life makes complete sense... but dig a little deeper and do a bit of comparing. If my new friend at work came to read this before REALLY getting to know me- what might she think of the baggage I carry? Can I speak freely about what I think were my Parents' ill conceived ways, if they knew this blog existed? Will I ever be able to rant of my frustrations in regards to my little sister and her six kids from three 'baby-daddy's'? Will my very Christian big sis approve of my music choices? Will my best friend THINK someone ELSE i'm ranting about- is actually them?  How can any thing be accomplished in the no holds barred way that I hope this to be, if I have to watch my P's & Q's and consider other's feelings... the way one does when they are in a personal conversation... the way any decent person would treat another. But- I'm not here to build relationships. I'm here to express myself. How do those two scenarios meet with out getting someone's feathers ruffled at some point down the road? I have no intention of being mean. Sometimes there are a myraid of feelings and thoughts bouncing around inside and it really helps to sort them to an 'audience' so to speak. In a way that is coherent enough for a perfect stranger to understand... and that in turn can make things crystal clear to ME! I'm an emotional person I guess... a passionate and sometimes conflicted, confounded, convicted person...I need to express myself. Call it ranting, pissing and moaning... whatever you like. We should all do it sometimes! You don't know me and I don't know you... so I don't care. And you don't care if I don't care.

See how lovely that works?

So the fact that I speak from this soap box, to you... perfect strangers- what harm could you do with any of the info shared? Who are you going to tell? (Who are you going to tell that matters in MY LIFE?) If you don't like what I have to say or how I say it... you'll just not come back. And we'll be obliviously happy in our OWN little worlds. No harm. No foul. No repercussions. Why would anyone care what a stranger thinks over what close friends and not-so-close-but-that-you-have-to-work-with-everyday-associates think? THAT, I do not see the logic in.

Perhaps that's just me. And I've been known to have strange ideas. It won't be the first you hear of on this blog...

And that's a promise I make to you... because you are so very not invested enough to really give a flying hoot about how strange my ideas can get!

'Sall good.

Fatherless Father's Day

Father's Day is approaching and I once again find myself absorbed in the quest to find the perfect gift for my husband - who is for some reason the only father I think about this time of year.

Well, ok, 'For SOME reason' isn't exactly a true statement. I know the reason. I just find it strange how I spend weeks researching and delved into this quest for my daughters father, but completely forget to even think about how I don't plan on getting anything for my real father; and then there's my Mother's new husband. Yes, he's been around for about 20 yrs. Nineteen of which I was not living at home anymore. Mom says we are in his will... as though we were his own, therefor we should 'make him feel good' and send mushy untrue cards about how great of a 'Dad' he is. I have nothing against the guy. But he has NEVER... EVER... EVER played the role of father figure to me. He just never had the opportunity. I was simply too old already when their relationship was new. I hate sending fake sentiments. I appreciate him putting up with my Mom... but he's not my Dad. He's a great guy. But he's not my Dad.

I don't have a Dad. My real father has done many things that would cause a person to disown him. But it wasn't the abuses or the ruined lives he created that causes me to forget about him on Father's Day. It was his own disowning of us. Five kids- whom he no longer wanted to claim. His reason? Telling a new woman about us would mean having to explain his divorce and what he did to us. There was no argument... no deep seated hurt feelings on his side... just pure unadulterated selfishness. So that any of his girlfriends would not know the way he treats women and children. He now is trying to start up a porn site and seems to have no shame... but God forbid anyone know about his past life.

Have you ever wished you could slap a big red non removeable label on someone to warn others?

He still keeps in touch with my Mom, and though he's never retracted his claim to not claim us, or made personal apologies, he asks her about us and seems to act as though he never said it. She says he only said those things out of anger because one of my brothers made a reference to a then girlfriend of my real father's, regarding some details he hadn't told her, causing her to leave. But I don't care what his reasons were. It was said. More importantly, it was felt. You do not say such things with out really deeply feeling it and meaning it. Even if it was only at the time... I don't want a father who's EVER felt that for his children. Period.

The limbo that this creates- his comment, his supposed change of heart, Mom sticking up for him about it, still talking to him, him not appologising or retracting... life seeming to go on... it's the most senseless thing to me and I want no part of it. Obviously we weren't close before hand. And now, why do I care even as much as I do enough so that it still bother's me that he could want to disown us and pretend we don't exist. As though you can just wipe the slate clean and remove 5 offspring from your existence. I can't really pinpoint what bothers me most about it. Maybe it's that I can't find enough hatred and anger in me to hate him and make it all that much easier to deal with. But I don't love him either. I guess i'm not really a gray area kind of person, and yet I doubt I will ever know what it feels like to hate anyone... that's just not who I am. It isn't in me. So he skates by in life and we all just have to learn to accept things as they are. No reprocussions. No lessons learned. And this is why it's easiest for me to just conveniently 'forget' that he ever held the title 'Dad'. I can't even say 'Well i'm not getting ANYTHING for HIM!' It just doesn't even enter my mind enough to pretend to hate him. Numb is a strange way to feel, but I have to admit, it works on rare occasions.