NO WORDS
You and I– we breathe from the same heartbeat. We see from behind the same eyes.
We even tell ourselves the same lies.
We think each other’s thoughts and pass back and forth the same burrs. Sometimes there really is no need for words.
That quiet comfort, I could lay in it forever. Our love is so good and pure. Our love is so right.
And sometimes love is blinded by it’s very own light.
It is indescribable—the intimacy that we share. No examples or exaggerations can be used to compare.
Just no words to allude or infer that forever is truly ours.
But then we find ourselves in the here and now– the lonely emptiness which is all that distance will allow.
We find ourselves on our own and left to our own devices. We are often tempted and thus give into to our silly vices.
Reason and logic have escaped our actions. Selfish indulgence fills our satisfactions.
This twisted reality spins and blurs. It takes our breath away and leaves us with no words.
When something is so good, so near perfection… how can there be such rejection?
How can I explain the path that this has taken? How do you explain anything when your senses are shaken? How do you know if you really know anything at all… when you can’t even explain how such a grand love can take such a wasteful fall, and how a love of the ages– now burns in it’s pages.
How do you chase away the clouds when you can only sit and seethe.
How do you share what is in your heart– when you can barely breathe.
How do I tell you what I plan to do and how...If I even knew these things myself, I would surely tell you now.
But I can not even begin to convey the storm within… just as I can not control what occurs...
Because you are right…there really are no words. Red 07-20-08

THE ONLY THING….
Ever since the day we met– I knew I’d never known anyone like you yet.
The days turned into years and you slowly began to quiet my fears. You made me truly believe.
You kissed my soul and all my love and passion you did receive.
Each and every day I lived for us– with the kind of faith and commitment that can only come with trust.
It wasn’t always easy, nor often very hard, even though my shell was tough and my heart was deeply scarred.
You soothed me with your patience and promised me the rest of time. You said that time with me was nothing short of sublime.
Each compliment and promise came out pure and strong. You made it hard for me to doubt where I belong.
Your words were golden, all your gifts true blue. I could never have imagined a day where you didn’t think of me too.
You gave me everything– but the only thing I ever wanted was you.
To know your pain and to stand with you in your rain. To give you my shoulder or to stand beside you to help you feel bolder. To give you my strength and my comfort forever. But you came to me… never.
If you don’t need me, we should let it be. If you don’t want my friendship you can not use my love. It’s about where and if we stand together when push comes to shove.
It’s not the actions that have hurt me so… it’s the arms length to which you make me go.
The knowledge of your lie, is not the reason why…. It’s not the final straw. But if you refuse to need me, this is the line I draw.
It’s hurts me more than any burden I could ever have to hold… so much more than a lie or truth untold…
To know that you don’t think of me when you have a need…. To know that you would make the cut, and leave yourself to bleed. With out letting me know you bought the knife. With out letting me even try to save your life. You would take a stumble off the most wretched cliff and not take my hand when I offer you a lift.
It’s not easy to admit when you need, but a friend who loves you as I do should be entitled to the greed, of being there for you and of being the one…who removes your hand from the loaded gun.
But I’ll never be able to do this, and save you from these metaphors, if you can’t let every part of my love for you through your secret doors.
It hurts so much to not be that special to you, to not be good enough for your trials and tribulations… that you can not share with me your life and all it’s revelations.
If you fear my judgment– then I have no defense, and I can understand your stance... But knowing my love for you is as strong as it is, you should have given it the chance.
But I know now, that I’m not worthy. I know now that I’m not so special as I once thought. And I no longer know for what I have fought.
You can find love in many an arm. You can become beguiled by many a charm. There are all different levels and kinds of bliss and affection that one can share.
But there usually aren’t very many people in one’s life who can truly say they will always… always and forever -be there.
I told you this in every way I could. I asked you to believe in me and I so hoped you would.
But you turned away from my friendship and shunned my faith in you. I guess you didn’t know this was the only thing I couldn’t let you do.
Red 07-19-08