A newly hired co-worker recently told me about why her four kids are living in another city with her sister in-law. A very hard night of partying, drugs, a spiteful husband, and drug testing were all involved in that ultimate but temporary situation. This is the same person who was proud enough of her battle wounds to tell every one of us about them. Then of course we ask how did that happen. Apparently she got into a fight with a guy who was trying to stop her from stopping her husband commit suicide. I could only wonder why and how on earth any one would live in this kind of life?
I tell her my theory about people who say they want to and are going to commit suicide within earshot of others. Call me cold hearted, but sometimes it’s just a bunch of drama whores looking for attention and playing their cards. ( according to her specific situation of saying she has threatened divorce so many times and they fight all the time and yet still together—so please don’t barrage my comment box with hateful stuff about how I don’t take it seriously) Personally, I think if someone wants to do that, they are going to do it eventually and you can’t be there to baby sit them all the time just because they threaten to do it. People who REALLY want to do it won’t tell anyone, as this would usually tend to prevent them from the freedom to do it. I didn’t get to finish though because she went down the ‘Oh yeah? Well then what do I tell my 4 kids when they say ‘where’s Dad?’ What do I tell his parents when they say ‘Where’s my Son?’ What do I tell….’ etc etc etc.
Sounds like Martyr Syndrome to me.
Had I been able to finish I might have proved my point with a bit more logic and less chill. I wanted to ask her if she called 911. If someone is seriously wanting to kill themselves you call 911 and you get them help. Period. You don’t just go to bed that night and say ‘Don’t ever do that again you stupid ass.’ You get him professional help. And that’s the end of that. No more whiney drama.
So this among other comments and attitudes all equal up to an impression of someone I do not want to know very well. Someone I would not admit to knowing very well if I did. And tonight she asked me for my phone #. Not too keen on this request, so I said ‘ok’ but stayed busy and hoped it would be forgotten about… but also wondering why the heck would she ask for that? Luckily, I still don’t know and don’t really care if it means getting out of it.
And I know I sound like a snob, but I think I probably have more right to be than most because it’s in this kind of lifestyle that I spent most of my life, all the way up to the time of my young marriage. I know it well. I know the magnetism of troubled lives. And how they all seem to gather together and create their own little dramatic world where everybody has a sob story. They feed off of each other, they tangle their lives up with each others and they raise more children to do the same. There are no boundaries… and there is no reasoning or imploring them to seek a better life.. And I honestly don’t know why my life took me in a completely different , much straighter direction. Two men before my husband had asked me to marry them. One I knew was at the very least, an ex druggie, the other a definite pothead. But I still don't think that 'I' would have ended up JUST like them. Deeply entrenched in that world though, absolutely. It’s so odd to think how one choice made, one action not taken, one supposed luck of the draw, could have set my life on an entirely different course.
I know we all have a purpose in this life and I know that some of those purposes might seem so very mundane and minor. We aren’t all meant to speak to the masses and rejuvenate souls and give people purpose… we might just be other people’s stepping stones to a slightly better life. Perhaps the single small domino that sets in motion a much larger chain of events. But by the time they have all fallen and made their intricate pattern come to life… that first domino is long forgotten.
So then I have to wonder… if I have the chance to be some kind of positive influence, shouldn’t I let her in? Am I the Martyr now? It’s a hard position to take…. I know what kind of life she leads. I know I don’t want ‘those kind of people’ (druggies, unemployed moochers, womanizing low lifes and women with such low self esteem they don’t think they deserve any better) in my nice safe almost middle class life. But the high road is also where we are encouraged to reach out and support those who need it. The Christian in me says I should not judge her and make my self available to her.
It could be that she just wants to call me when she is ready to pay me back my five bucks… but somehow I highly doubt it.
why do people who are pretty much strangers reveal their dirty laundry to all like that? especially in a work environment...I had a coworker like that who within a week started telling me all her marital troubles...it's awkward when you don't know them at all....
ReplyDeleteGood question!
ReplyDeleteActually, I think there are all kinds of reasons why they want or NEED to share such things... but what they don't seem to realize is that there is always going to be a BETTER reason for NOT doing so. I think people forget that only the title of 'friend' gives someone the "im gonna cry on your shoulder' right. And sometimes people's definition of 'friend' can be pretty screwy. (like people who allow those who would hurt you or your family come back around to do it again by trying to help your husband commit suicide) So it's then not surprising if just because you are pleasant to them they think they can unload on you (and that you care) as a good friend would. I guess in the end it's their lack of boundries?
Just for starters anyway! :-)- Red