Where do I start? The short version of the mess in Red's head...

Sometimes I can not think of a single point of conversation to type about.
I read other blogs, I join discussion groups, and I browse. But since my favored way of writing is on lined paper, the words and ideas sometimes flow easier if I get up out of my computer chair, get comfy on the couch and set pen to real paper.

Sometimes, even that does not help. But sometimes... I realize how much there really IS to share. And the question is not 'what?' so much as 'where to start?'

Here's just a taste of what's in my chaotic mind as of late...



Do I start with the possibility of my husbands job coming to an end due to the worlds nastiest divorce? From day to day we never know if the owner is going to try to keep the business running or if hubby will have a place to work the next day. It sure makes my husband's job of keeping the business running... difficult to say the least. Did I mention we rent a house that the boss owns? Or is it his wife? Who will own it when the divorce terms are known? Will it be either one of them? And of course, dear hubby is loyal to a fault and will move where ever the boss says he will start up a new business. It's hard being married to a contractor as it is. It's either feast or famine and you never really do know the feeling of security.

I went to the Dr. for a check up a few weeks ago for the first time in many... many years. I walked in the door with nothing wrong. I walked out the door with a prescription for one thing and a need for an x ray for another thing. They have yet to call and tell me when to come in for the special procedure, or what to do now.

My new job has made it possible for me to also go to the dentist for the first time in many... many years. And I DO need to make an apt....
Next subject.

Speaking of my job... did I mention it's... not always fun?
I generally have duck feathers on my back when it comes to people acting superior or stupid or whatever... it just rolls off. I don't let people walk all over me, but I know how to get along with people when I need to. But some people have no concept of taking the high road and it can at times get pretty catty. C'mon people! Put your big kid panties on and deal with it. If you don't like something someone is doing, have an adult conversation with them or the the manager if you feel you can't speak directly to them. Otherwise- ignore it. Period. Just ignore it.

My real Dad has given up the hopes of getting rich off his porn site. No one would pay $5 per whatever. So now he wants to get a mold made for some kind of rare part for some kind of rare vehicle. Whatever.

And the list gets more and more trivial. But it's still long and I could choose to vent about a million and one things. I wanted to start blogging to help myself learn how to sort and organize thoughts. I wanted ideas to flow and I wanted to share freely. The free flowing thing is a sticking point with me. It's weird how the more that's going on the tighter I pull in on the reigns and clam up even tighter. Sometimes it's hard to see the point. And I don't mean just here in a blog- it could be that just talking to someone whom you know cares and really wants you to share with them can be SO difficult the more stuff piles up.

My biggest personal problem right now is that the person I want to vent to can only read this, and not hear it directly from me. And I don't like to spend the time sharing all this woes me crap, when I could be catching up otherwise. It's negative. It's pitiful. It's embarrassing to an extent to have SO many 'issues' in your life... and I'd just rather not spend what little time we have force feeding it. If my dear friend were closer and in my life everyday, they couldn't help but be privy to the basics and have a better understanding that it's not something I can really control and it would be OK to talk about it more freely. But I refuse to wallow so I do it here into empty space, when I'm the most bored of all.

And, yeah... I actually feel a little better!